


Where my heart is

by shedrovemehere



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 15:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16162148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shedrovemehere/pseuds/shedrovemehere
Summary: A short collection of feelings based on some interviews. Well, one feeling.





	Where my heart is

Kota doesn’t understand why Okada always seems to be so over these photo shoots. Yes, they’re weird, but they usually involve eating and playing, often with animals. He feels like if he’s ever bored of the fact that this is his _job_ , he probably deserves to lose all the fans these photobooks are for. But there’s always some interview with random personal questions. Not nearly as fun as the photos.

“What’s your favorite place to be?”

 _Home._ It’s not interesting, and home isn’t really a place, but close enough. True enough.

“What’s your favorite thing about a woman?”

He feels some silly compulsion not to lie, even though no one would ever know. He hates lying, though, and besides, he’s grateful for his fans. He thinks about what they might want to believe about him.  _Smile_ , he writes, and it’s true: he knows a lot of women with gorgeous, enchanting smiles.

“What do you want most in the world right now?”

There’s only one true answer, but he couldn’t put it into words if he had to tell a friend, let alone something acceptable for this book that thousands of people will read. How could he ever encapsulate it, how could anything ever convey the enormity of what’s gone, what he’s lost? He stares at the question for a while before giving in and writing down the word his mind has been screaming at him, the word he’s been avoiding. It’s the truth, after all.

_Home._

 

 

* * *

“Are you ready to go home, Kenny?” Matt laughs, turning the camera to Kenny’s face.

Kenny’s so tired, so depleted on so many levels. He knows he must look like death warmed over. He puts on his most honest, weary face, looks straight into the camera and says, “I was born ready to go home.” He can feel his chest and throat tighten as he says it.

Matt laughs, and Kenny realizes that what he said probably _did_ sound funny. But it wasn’t a joke. He’s never felt like he was born to do _anything_ , not even wrestle. Everything has always felt hard or awkward or boring; everything takes work. Except being home. He really was born for it. It’s why he’s so tired now; has been so, so tired for longer than he has the energy to remember. At this point it's just the norm.

He wonders if he’ll ever go home again, and if he'd even recognize it if he did.

 

* * *

A few years later, he’s still not tired of the photo shoots, but interviews are even more tedious. As often as he can, he tries to do them at restaurants, so at least he can get a free meal out of it.

“What do you look for in a woman?”

He’s gotten good at this. “A person who’s a homebody,” he tells the interviewer, who, if he notices the odd way Kota phrased his answer, doesn’t say anything.

 

* * *

In the dark in the back of the cab, Kota inches his hand over until he finds Kenny’s. He lightly hooks his fingers around Kenny’s, stroking the knuckles softly with his thumb. This never felt possible, until it was. Here they are, in the cab, together, and it’s at once the most natural thing and the most mind boggling reality. Kenny holds onto Kota’s pinky and ring finger, squeezing his fingertips, like he’s making sure Kota’s actually real.

They both have their heads leaned back against the seat, and Kota can feel Kenny looking at him. They go to drop Kenny off first, but when they get to his hotel, Kenny tugs Kota’s hand, to ask him to come up with him, and Kota does, because they’re not entirely sure some lackey from the Bullet Club isn’t following them. Evading Bullet Club retribution will be the _easiest_ part about this whole thing. Nothing ahead is going to be easy.

They get to the door, and Kenny unlocks and opens it. He freezes, not sure what to do next, not sure if Kota knows what to do next.

As always, Kota just follows his feelings. He throws his arms around Kenny again, just like he did in the ring an hour ago. Even though there’s no cheering crowd or confetti now, he feels the same elation he did then. And relief, bone-deep. Kenny pulls away, grabs Kota’s hand, squeezes it, and says, tears in his eyes, “thanks for bringing me home.”

Kota can’t do anything but smile and fight back tears.

Home’s never been a place.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't remember which episode of Being the Elite was the one where Kenny said he was "born ready to go home," but it happened. Also, same.
> 
> "[What do you want most right now?](http://leaveharmony.tumblr.com/post/167798322545/be-is-tana-kota-shinsuke-okadas-photobook)"  
> "[A homebody.](https://p-dress.jp/articles/2497)" (this is also the interview from whence my favorite description of Kota, via Google Translate "the owner of a very delicate heart". Because, also same.)
> 
> Kota frequently answers like "a _person_ who..." when asked what he likes about women. IDK if that's common or if it's a translation thing somehow, but, interesting to note, because he's the only one I've seen do that (which doesn't mean that no one else does, I just haven't seen it). But he's apparently a pretty mysterious guy anyway.
> 
>  
> 
> **ALSO I JUST REALIZED ~24 HOURS AFTER POSTING THIS THAT THE REUNION WAS IN SAPPORO AND THEY DON'T LIVE THERE SO I CHANGED 'APARTMENT' TO 'HOTEL' BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE BOTHERED ME EVEN THOUGH NO ONE WOULD HAVE NOTICED. IT MAKES THE END MORE MEANINGFUL. THANK YOU.**


End file.
